I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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