There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
