She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
