yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
