yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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