I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
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Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
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Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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