I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
