im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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