My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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