i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i think my cat just said my name.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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