Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
