Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
