By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
