i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You've changed since you got that strap on
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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