I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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