Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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