just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
