im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Mom said you looked used
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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