I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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