Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
