She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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