Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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