You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
