I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
