um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
