I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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