worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
