so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
