i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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