i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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