I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
