A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
