My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
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I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize