The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have tasted many bathrooms
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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