I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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