Whod you bang
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
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i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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