I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
