you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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