I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
