I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
