Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
