suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
