Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........

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(925): View more from California

He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.

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(214): View more from Texas

Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.

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(315): View more from New York

Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.

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