It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
