Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
