listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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