I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I have post one night stand depression
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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