so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
