Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
