yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
