after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
