if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
