if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
