So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
