its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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