who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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