Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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