I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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