he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
