Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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