The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
3 2 1 whiskey
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
