he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
