omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
