I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
