I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just want nice things and good sex
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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