I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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