I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize