i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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