if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
